VPT Poetry Retrospective

What if my idea to write the play for a musical turns into another failure in writing a good enough play for any but self-publication like my plays based on ‘Dorman’ (Plays at http://vpt.hit.bg), or triggers a new round of checking out my personality and occupations. Would it not be much better to continue with my poetry retrospective and see what long piece I have in poetry on the motley background of real life, adding to the resultant picture- where the background gulps the figures in focus- this old poem of mine:
ASKING
What will you do first thing at dawn?
I heard a sick man ask
I'll thank the world that I was born,
for my chance to do tasks
You shouldn't do that, thanks it should
give you for being round
The world' s now desperate to prove
its right to get you bound
What was today that you saw first?
A weak man I heard say
I saw a glittering small bird
when I looked at the day
You shouldn't have done that again,
a one time's just enough
You should have found the right place
and someone you can love
What did you do last thing last night?
An active man asked me
I found a one man to fight,
the person who fells trees
I can't afford to lose again,
lost branches, birds and play
Now I shall join in the chain
but can't participate
V.P.T.
V.P.Toucheva 19.09.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

If I say once more that my novel ‘Whispers’ is going very well and I am ready to write its next sentence, I may derange a fan into fury and action against repetition, that is why I will now say that my novel is following my old plan to write the play for a musical, and that the next sentence, still in plain form, is:

The global business and political policy that gave the structures the right to choose their men, or gave chosen men the right to create whatever structures they thought fit- the first direction towards creation leading into stability and the second into anarchy- was all around an apartment where, at a table that could be called round because the tablecloth fell almost evenly on all its side, a man was sleeping, clasped over a script, and was dreaming the happy moments of power proper to when a film director selects the staff for his future film.
V.P.Toucheva 17.09.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

My novel “Whispers” is going very well, and I am ready to write its third sentence following the second sentence:

The city was a growing ball of relationships wound over one another in layers that traced back along the applied policies, and revealed in cross sections the features of compatibility that pointed to how small the world was when seen in its whole, and how huge if examined in the variety of its elements: some intent on motion, though with no idea about where to stop, some uncertain about which way to go, though charged with the strong wish to participate.
V.P.Toucheva 15.09.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

The writing of my novel ‘Whispers’ is going on very well no matter how distracted I am into making attempts to understand the arguments of the President and those of the Prime Minister concerning the circulation of energy supplies, arguments that set the state’s parametre of the global economy and the economics’ parametre of state funding.

Really, the writing of my novel ‘Whispers’ is going on very well and I am almost ready to write its second sentence after this first that reads:

The residential block was about to be cleared of cockroaches with a special concoction sprayed- an initiative coming from the younger generation of the previous social gurus as an alternative option to repairing the roof; an initiative giving business, allowing access into inhabited areas, and preventing hordes of cockroaches from crawling around, scared by the microwave vibrations which the residential area was to be exposed to in the name of creating stability, a steady weather, or security.
V.P.Toucheva 12.09.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

My future novel, called ‘Whispers’, is promising to be a good one, but I do not know if the simple strategy I am applying in writing it will not turn out to be a rather complicated one if it bases on images drawn from the past twenty years like:

the policeman under double stress who is supporting the law levels, but also pretending to be liberal to the creation of the levels of organized crime

the doctor who is burdened with the dilemma to cure a patient or to provide the hospital with another donor for the advance of science in the direction of proving that an old body can live longer if some of its parts are substituted with elements from a younger body

the military officer who must meander, participating in all the campaigns of the big state and business policies while keeping himself outside the effects of those policies

the administration clerk who has a stable chair at a stable desk, and a stable bonus to a stable salary for staying not bribed by clients desperately rattling in the administration chambers formed by the walls of rights and opportunities, and roofed by restrictions of appropriate historical time, relevant to business location, allowed partnership, and politically supported investment

the.....

Well, if one wants to read, or write, something, one must spare the time and apply the necessary skills. I must sit at my desk, meander to avoid my ideas for better occupation, call from my past a bit of youth to reinforce my inspiration, and step on the world’s organized levels to find characters as orderly and clear as the diamond structure.
V.P.Toucheva 5.09.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

There are two basic spheres: economic and social.

Now that the military structures are shredding off their economically independent administration sub-division, the Ministry of Administration no longer exists, and the State Information Bureau has been announced to have spent lavishly on irrelevant purchases, what can one think but that the first institution has exhausted the funds that temporarily supported redundant officers, the second is handing over the power and tools for granting or blocking entrepreneurship, and the third can no longer place orders for services with firms whose heads cannot be officially hired as consultants on serious matters.

The global stability for Bulgaria bases on the economic levels and the social pyramids, like anywhere in the world, and a person can seek a working position as a specialist in a social-economic pyramid, or a business niche in an economic-social level. In other words, the global stability bases on the principles of the socialist and the capitalist systems combined.

It may prove to be innerving both to the survivors who have been hoping for a still period to be able to take a relaxing breath, and to the drop-outs from the fake structures that lined the basic ones all through the past couple of decades.

In one word, a social war is about to start in Bulgaria between the already settled social layers and the elements settling down from the levels now renewed with foreign import of specialists and specialists returning from abroad- where they were lured to go, driven out of the country by the numerous reforms- to introduce the parameters of uniformity in performance and organization.

I am not sure that the novel I am writing will be as good as “Dorman”(http://vpt.hit.bg), nor that I will not be distracted into proving my identity and independence, that I can write a poem nobody can imitate, or that I am not planning to sell my half of my apartment, or that I know enough of English to have taught at the Bulgarian comprehensive schools, or that I can take care of myself if I am not set up in a situation where my good manners and my endurance are tested.

Here is a poem written on September 4th, 1997, when I attended a training course, with two lovely ladies, Janet and Priscilla, come a bit too late to teach me what I had already found through practice:

Late
It was the hour
It was half past
He looked inside to wake her up
She wasn’t there
She had got up
He’d lain awake
to be in time
she’d lain awake
because of him
V.P.T. 4.09.1997
V.P.Toucheva 4.09.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

There is one common conviction that claims: when people reach the boundaries of their competence and their freedom to improve their own environment and prospects, people use own skills and status to meddle with the lives of other people.

Now that the latest stage of tracing routes and levels for the structures extending into an economically stagnated Bulgaria, is waiting for the summer holidays to end, and the global coverage co-ordination surveillance is borrowing the idea of social events financing economic plans, the socialist period structures that existed between the belief that they belonged to the people and their subordination to bank endebtment, seem ready to come out dressed in such a motley bondage and alliance clothing that one may hope to be safe and sane enough to watch the future scandals from aside and evade all obstacles as if they were as harmless in their anonymity as is an armchair placed at one’s apartment door to block, or eavesdrop, or store messages, or stimulate reaction, or assign a job to the future to move, replace, or amend- now when the boundaries of competence the home affairs structures have been reached and the skills of the redundant staff must be employed, be it pointless occupations, lest they are used in spontaneous confrontation.

In line, here is my latest poem:

In The City
While hiding from the city’s notice my own weakness,
I stumble over my own plans and aims
While hiding from the city’s notice my own meekness
I drop achievements I so hard attained

The city is indifferent, won’t help or interfere
I don’t befit in any fate or destination cell
A warden’s look believing, frank and clear,
knows not whom me- the harmless one- will fell

The city is indifferent, won’t help or interfere
I’m heading to my self-produced reclusive hut
A chimney sweeper is a blessing I pass near,
but my hands full of life can’t touch for bits of luck

Ambitious to survive inside the motley city,
I’m jealous and afraid of the ambitions to succeed
The beauty I can’t buy not get its lovely pity,
is based on style paid, and style is based on it

The city’s clean on this hot summer morning
The sun is bleaching heads and raised by sweepers dust
The city’s disappointed on this uncertain morning
that it’s a holiday, a workday, promise, opportunity, and lust

The city’s greedy in its pleasures old, common
It’s organized by people and for people in exchange
Some stick to their joy to find, to use, to prosper
Some have achieved a balance that does really irritate

The city is, of its own residents, all independent
Its people, independently live in their cells, all free
Their anthem bordering on land above and land downstairs,
is city’s heart and will voiced in a song of the blue sea

The city is, of all its residents, all independent
Its people heading to their self-produced recluse
They have no time to answer the reporters’ questions
because they’re in hurry to watch the evening news
V.P.T. 23.08.2009
V.P.Toucheva 25.08.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

I seem to be attracted to blended writing, and if I finish the story below it will border on science fiction and love, like most of my poems:

A Science Fiction Story

It was a lovely sunset.

The sun and a couple of satellites decided on a short truce for as long as a kiss could last.

The satellites were happy because they were burdened with the creation of additional atmospheric pressure under the horizontal blanket of short waves they were emitting, a blanket that blocked the natural exchange of energy between the earth and the space around it, sort of a roof that ensured the earth with a stable global climate that could be edited by location and season, though it also brought in the problem of the greenhouse effect with which mankind had not yet learned how to cope.

The sun was less happy because it was engaged in proving an own theory of creation, namely that it is not stars that turn into planets with cooling on their outside, nor is it that planets turn into stars with their hot cores growing out, but either way round over time, with one and the same object once a star, once a planet, and then a star again.

There were two persons on the earth engaged in occupations different due to both the difference between their jobs and the difference between their social positions- a woman who was following the whims of the sun, dubious herself on the issue of the luxury of summer, and a man who was indulged in adapting the earth to the global warming which side effect science had not yet found how to harness.
…..
V.P.Toucheva 3-4.07.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

It’s hot in the city where money and cars dominate. It was cold some months ago, and will be again when winter comes, so there must be some balance stepped on this opposition. Something like the opposition between Mankind and Mankind Prime, the first planning to live on the earth and the second on other planets.

Some TV reporters say that anyone in this country can buy the equipment to learn what the other people are doing and saying. I think that such information is gathered by people interested in sophisticated gadgets and sold to people interested the progress which their competition is making.

However, I find listening in on me and keeping me under observation as natural as the inconvenience of being cold in winter and hot in summer, or as essential as keeping edibles for as long as they can last and using them only after they become a sight worthless as stock.

In the future, Mankind Prime will be living on distant planets and hiding from the unknown environment, but everyone will be safe if frankly open in one’s doings and intentions to everyone else. The permanent communication links will be of great importance, and what we are now doing on the Earth is more or less developing and testing in practice the necessary equipment while breeding the human types that will not shrink from living in total exposition.

I am sure that whatever Mankind does now is in the name of Mankind Prime.

I am sure that we are now living in a historical era when the people on the earth are slowly taking a bit of a shift away from the natural into the direction of the artificial, leaving the purity of ecology to the countryside and the non-human species, and crowding in the cities to re-create those intrinsic qualities that have been lost or diluted during the different civilizations.

I am also sure that Mankind is developing those features and characteristics that will sieve and settle the people attributed to life on the earth, and will present Mankind Prime with people of the natural human aptitude to growth.

Now that balance is the topic, here is an old poem of mine about the winter:

AGAIN
The raining pinetree,
with the sun beside it,
is letting snow white
and cold winters down
No clouds linger
over it
to hide it,
but carried on
by winds,
they go round
V.P.T.
V.P.Toucheva 2.08.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

The Parliament has voted the new government whose alternative of priorities seems to comprise of the integration of the country’s major business infrastructures into those of the European Union, and the settlement of local specifics into clear local business levels.

It is a real merit global strategy has gained in as few as twenty years with the achievement of an almost velvet-gloved substitution of the trainees of the Soviet policy with those of the different western programs that base on the combination of a person’s natural aptitude and the behaviour pattern that person is led into adopting.

The period that was assigned for redistribution of influence over the country, which separated the population into the group receiving benefits coming from the west through the structures of the east, and the group enjoying new possibilities for mobility given by the eastern structures at the expense of the western populations, seems to be culminating in the formation of a local pyramid of power where all levels are controlled by local politicians and officers, both groups with a declared determination to fight against any negative legacy left from previous governments, and struggle for the country’s stability.

Any future comparison with the period directly after the introduction of the socialist regime on September 9, 1944, will be a blasphemy, though many people sense vindictiveness in the atmosphere.

I seem to have failed in my attempts at understanding the mechanisms and tools with which the global levels are gaining stability through an inner instability that steps on all sorts of confrontations.

I have an alternative: to humbly witness what is about to happen while order is being reintroduced by the law, and partially by the people who violated the law during the past twenty years, that is, be like the old man sitting on the curb to listen to the music coming out of a summer window across the street, or I may swagger around, supported by my accumulated exhaustion, and urge myself on in life, like the seemingly insane skeleton of a woman following her own encouragement of ah-aha-ah-aha-ah-aha.

I think that this blog will not be a safe place for some time, so I had better write a story about love, maybe about the impossibility of love between the Ah-Aha Woman and the Man sitting on the curb to listen.
V.P.Toucheva 27.07.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU