VPT Poetry Retrospective

I am calculating the coins, not gold ones, that must last me over the next couple of weeks.
In the meantime, the present Parliament is gathered for its last session to sum up the work they have continued and affiliated further in the statement that the Bulgarian nation is the poorest and the least developed on the Balkans.

I am calculating how many coins to spend a day not because I have not used my human rights, on the contrary, I am still retaining property over my home after getting the carcinogenic pipes into my flat, I am not yet at the mercy of the lowest parameters of underground businesses that peer the highest parameters of the legal ones, I know that human rights are an imaginary value that depends on social class dissemination and on business classification, but its is not easy for someone brought up by a socialism doctrine to understand that governments camouflaged in social projects take from the country as much as the businesses need to create their structure stability and camouflaged in business projects governments take from the people as much as science needs from today to provide tomorrow with a collective evolution.

It seems that I have started to adapt to the new world order and am growing smooth presentable fur, developing the classic features of the predator, walking with satisfaction through the cover-up orderliness where nobody dares complain of one’s health or poverty unless a medical experiment hitches onto the physical existence and a psychological team tests one’s capacity of social integration, but I am still dreaming of monitoring the new world order from where I can enjoy its results over a fruit-and-beach cocktail rather than from inside the pot where artificial social patterns get derived from the evolutional patterns self-developed in the human nature.

It is a pity psychology has chosen to base politics on the succinct human types represented by the different parties for the people to find likeness in one or another, and it is a pity that politics has chosen to base psychology on the different genetic features of each person that can be developed into one or another human type.

In line with my own evolution, here is an old poem of mine written for the new world order that brought in my counting of coins but also brought in the freedom to speak about how poor I am:

Just One Time
The time
I didn't take
a sea-shell home
was
when I fell in love
with you
V.P.T.
V.P.Toucheva 25.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

It is interesting to learn how many countries have a law that obliges the whole nation to be a community of organ donorship, and how many of those that have the law also have a system constructed on general practitioners who know little about laws, on executive agencies that keep the registry of refusals but cannot be reached, and a ministry of public health that cannot be engaged in minor cases.

It is also interesting how much of the control over a population of no importance is derived from laws connected with the complexity of life: health, rights, home, jobs, and accessibility. Also, how many of the programs forbidden in one place of the world are allowed in another, and how many secret projects are full of people unaware of being involved in long-term explorations. As to me, my father fought against the nazi in World War Two, and I am sure that I have a few subtle non-friends in the scientific circles; and my father-in-law fought against the Bulgarian fascist regime and the capitalist system, and I have a few open non-friends in the spheres that have been privatized. It is not a paranoia, it is a lasting confrontation that started with shooting, continued with reformation, and is going on with monitoring and assistance.

In one word, here is m poem of yesterday, written and given to the world to read in its whole, unlike the methods that include a life in a turmoil of accidents and confusion to grab a piece from a half-dead body and grab a fee from a desperate patient:

A Sunflower
A sunflower yellow has just bloomed
It is a secret when it blossomed
A soul sighed out by life doomed
From somewhere secret hurried home

A hungry eye that feeds on beauty,
on joy and stylishness we have
Can someone rich be rich in duty
and buy it off itself or for itself

A roamer in eternity and lucid Eden
With no place to stop, no threat or fright
A listener to tunes of light and freedom
In closeness and dusk of its small site

A sitter by a lake of blue and glory
Alone as if nobody was, nobody will
It tells life’s long tales through its story
None needs to hear how flowers feel

A sunflower yellow has just bloomed
It is a secret when it blossomed
A soul sighed out by life doomed
From somewhere secret hurried home
V.P.T. 22.06.2009
V.P.Toucheva 23.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

It is past midnight and I am still reading the innovated law of transplantation. One does not declare consent of donation of own organs after one’s death, one must declare refusal of donation, which refusal must be registered, and one must check if the registration has really been entered.

The evening news said that recently there have been three instead of thirty heart transplantations because there are not enough heart donors.

Who would die, but emotionally, to offer one’s heart, but in art, to someone, but in a commune where everything is common, and who would provide medicine with parts of the human body if not a well-organized supply system, also what else does science need but a chance to enrich the combinations of compatibility of tissues and vessels.

The Law of Transplantation says that one can declare refused donorship of just one body part or tissue, or just for one medical or scientific purpose. One needs knowledge to formulate a refusal of larger coverage of the human body, or one may borrow ideas from Shakespeare.

They say that all world’s religions, apart from a few sects, support the practice of transplantation. I wonder which sect to enter. Also, it is a mystery where they give or sell the refused experimentation and donorship declaration forms.

It is interesting how close mankind is to the creation of an assembled human body of flesh attached to the basic strains and outlines of the sinews of compatibility, like adding houses and buildings beside and over the arteries of electricity lines, water mains, and road communications.

In line with my concern about being used for free when I will no longer be the amateur poet and the retired teacher but a dead body, I recall an old poem of mine written for my book character Jane Brown:

Forgive Me
Forgive me, please, forgive, my heart,
I didn't know you existed,
I thought that I was after love
and you were of me just a part
I should have taken you out, my heart,
and laid you bare on my soul,
and topped it with my, love for her,
and let her find for you the globe
Forgive me, please, forgive, my heart,
I didn't know you existed
V.P.T.
V.P.Toucheva 23.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

My parameters, set by my products of intellectual work and my living standard, range between
• the structures well above, where my products would naturally belong, but might inappropriately compete with the products of the people who have gained places in those structures,
• and the structures well below, where I would be serving the structure itself, and not a person or a group of people.
In one word,
• I am not wanted ‘upstairs’ because I am not offering myself, but am offering my products,
• and I am not wanted downstairs because I will not enter a pyramid of income redistribution but will ask for a place in the structure itself.
A problem of both a genetic and a social aspect in it states:
• both ‘upstairs’ and ‘downstairs’ need people of specific qualities and aptitudes, and I am inappropriate for either.
It is like in the film where
• the bank uses the front door to steal from an investor through the bank owner,
• the investor approaches through the back door to steal back his belonging,
• the owner empties the bank of its content and stores that content elsewhere, creating a new back door,
• the investor integrates an own agent in a chief position and thus controls the bank through the personnel, creating a new front door.
• a shell is produced where depositors believe that their material assets are stored, but in fact the owner is using them for larger investments,
• a flow is produced where the investors believe that the owner makes the decisions, but in fact decisions are made by the personnel,
• an organization of stability and flow is produced to turn into a real nut crusher when a crisis comes or is needed to clear the grounds of the past.
Now that
• I have given away my books to individuals who have helped me out of desperate situations created by the structures to retain the money flows through innovation and redistribution of power and means
• and have given money for compulsory repairs of what is working so that the money flows create the necessary structures through the people in jobs,
I am sure that I have set my parameters.

One more thing, one must be on good terms with one’s neighbours and obey their decisions or get ousted because one’s neighbours’ income often comes from flows created through innovation and redistribution.
One must ignore
• the fact that the half-way innovated central heating pipes are leaking,
• or the fact that the innovation of the main pipes breaks the water meter seals and the water company will not seal water meter more than five years old,
• or the fact that new water meters are sold at shops where the assistants care nothing about measurements
• or the fact that it is difficult to find a technician to install the wrong size water meter and more spare parts and diplomacy are needed,
• or the fact that the plastic pipes are more carcinogenic than rusty,
• or the fact that the plastic pipes are smaller in cross-section and the increased pressure leads to water tap leaks
• or the fact that the new equipment may burst into over-activity at will because a new idea of distance control and remote reading is about to be introduced,
• or…
In one word,
• stay calm when the ‘upstairs’ level does not want your product, but pay for the level to be produced, and know that your products may fit there, but you do not,
• stay calm when the ‘downstairs’ level wants to help you on a charge, but do not ask for a place there, and know that you may fit there but your products don’t ,
• believe that you are paying with money and time, effort and emotion, and whatever decision you make is either the right or the wrong one, for which assessment there are other levels and other paid jobs creating structure stability and flow continuity.
• V.P.Toucheva 18.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

Now that Sofia has developed its standard city outlook, with people from all over the world for all the relevant floors of business management, government offices, import-export agencies, trade, public services, security and social structures, I am finding myself on the side of the total losers because I am outside the circles of the teaching profession, cannot start in relevant jobs for fear someone will say I have been there all the while, nor am I an acceptable candidate for a downrightly common job because of my age and education.

Facing another summer in the city, a summer ensuing all the previous four-season blocks, I guess I am under my own ultimatum to stop playing the productive ‘genius’ and take up the game of playing what I am.

Seeing no difference between 2003 and 2009, except in today’s greater numbers of people with assignments to write reports about general and specific backgrounds before the general election, I recall an old poem written and published, like everything I have written and published, at no benefit, fee, price, or donation, but for the sake of just the interest I have arisen towards my own personality:
Lest
We will accept as therapy our inactivity
lest we chase dreams which others take their turns to take
We will accept as weapons our fear
lest we learn the severe fights, and not to wait
We will accept as a potential our anger
lest we dispose of it in the wrongest way
We will accept as an existence our present
lest we forget that others do what we think that we can
V.P.T. 5.06.2003
V.P.Toucheva 12.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

Wondering about different things, almost all connected with survival, I didn’t notice the twenty years of economic growth up to the different international levels ; nor the new generations produced to be a laughing stock for their ignorance at the maturity exams; nor did I notice the new world order where everyone has a place cherished in family lineage for fear of dropping out of a most polite severe organization; nor did I follow the socialist functionaries of stable jobs and good personal standards in their making a choice between own business and own social image- with business given social support through customer flows, and a social image paid to maintain itself. I just missed to be among those who chose business and learned to spread their wings to govern larger areas than their households and factory brigades; nor was I among those who chose the social sphere and learned to pass laws to use them to their benefit. I was not, in those twenty years, among the new business coryphaei, so I will not be redirected to large countryside projects; nor was I among the new social demogorgons who created from the body of the country a base step for larger geographical areas to form the EAB, the Europe-Asia Block. Of course, I will not be among those who will now have to give up their left-wing past to support traditional capitalism; nor among those who will have to give up their income from private enterprises.

What I am wondering about is whom to vote for on general election day.

The answer may be in the sentence: 'She was wondering whose party or coalition government had kept her less unemployed, so she could vote for them and give them parliament jobs'.

Or in this one: 'On a start-up of check-outs aiming to verify the check-outs carried out during previous periods, many were surprised to learn how much of natural aptitude had been applied free of charge in the finding of culprits, also to learn how stable the structures had been created
to have in their chambers only people of adequate parameters, and how strictly the people who did not like the positions they were given guarded the system that gave them jobs'.

I am wondering, and time is going on in unknown to me directions, one of which is mine; but which one is it, I wonder.
V.P.Toucheva 9.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

Big Politics will give strict and good organization the job to split the world up into sectors and layers, and will have one political party to control all the sectors in one layer, and another political party to control all the layers in one sector. Thus the grid of control is complete, and the parties are controlling each other too.

Big Politics cannot be described in one sentence, but can be squeezed into one principle, the principle of easy control, like a child controls a mother; like a spouse controls a partner; like a neighbour controls a neighbour; like a boss controls an employee, and many more subordination affects which have a resounding or a peer counter effect reaction that bounces off as subordination tendency and sometimes overturns the pyramid to come with its top down.

Big Politics has always used the most prominent place from where to lead the show, though one can historically see that Big Politics is usually where the weather is fine while the prominence of its leading position may be
-in the fire burning inside a cave;
-the mustering of weapons;
-the manipulation inflicted upon huge population groups by a mind prompting steps and measures, stages and strategies, from behind a majestic representative;
-the family of the ruler who is entitled to power forever until a fraud eliminates their right or marriages and selection of who survives brings in substitution of genes;
-the profession of politician that uses the stubbornness, indifference, and discretion of the same people in all the segments of the parties array, and in all the aspects and positions of government and law;
-the reluctance of the majority to participate in elections on the experienced lack of vote weight, which reluctance charges upon them a responsibility for refusing to choose the right people to represent their interests and rights;
-the few loyal to control procedures jobbers who will carry on their shoulders any decision-making and will, in time, be alleviated of all major responsibility with maneuvers through government posts and people occupying them;
-and in the very essence of Big Politics to stay big confronted by the alternative to get scattered in small realms with more than one peer governors or rulers, which disintegration of control power will be a deadly blow upon any trade that depends on flows and mobility; and upon any business that depends on specialized profession in the creating of common and easy to control nests of human habitation.

I must say that I am a bit different from Big Politics, also much smaller, which makes me a freckle on Big Politics’ huge bulk, or I can carry round Big Politics in my heart, in both cases, however, one of us is dead, either I am to Big Politics or Big Politics to me.
V.P.Toucheva 4.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU

It is interesting what thoughts one may have upon seeing blasts of sparks and hammering coming out of one’s bathroom where the main pipes are being substituted with plastic ones.

No apartment can be legally sold or let through an agency if the block does not have a technical passport and as the technical passport has its parameters main pipes must be plastic.

It is also interesting what thoughts, based on experience, will accompany the above thoughts when the water meters get dismantled, so technicians will have to be called in to check and seal them, and when the new plastic pipes are added in length, so one will have to call in technicians to stop the leaks.

It is also interesting what thoughts will join in if one is a bit nervous due to the economic diets and finding the money for the required by the technical passport innovations.

It is a wonder predictable to guess how far the electricity bill will prance alongside the drilling, cutting, and welding.

Also, very interesting to think about the many lodgers whom a home, or a foreign, agency will send along all the commuter channels that are being given longer distances and longer periods of absence between the place where one possesses a house and the place where one has a job.

But the most interesting thought is the one about organizing huge groups to live and work as single individuals engaged in incessant relationships, which easy to manage organization will ‘decrease’ the population of the earth from under seven billion to about seven thousand compact habitats with satellite businesses and established connection channels, with the countryside left to the future to create a vacuum that will exact a spread and an innovated development.

To get rid of my notes is the only sensible thought as notes can neither be let for a rent, nor sold for a fee, nor even understood in the same way in which they sounded when personal and observed experience prompted them.

Getting rid of something cherished but undeveloped into consummation or construction is as destructive and clearing, engaging one in a relationship with oneself, as calling a neighbour ‘insolent‘ engages her in finding witnesses to testify to the abuse.

Getting rid of notes that cannot buy bread, sunflower oil, or Magi dry soup to spice the slices, is a sacrifice suggested by the old tribal societies where everyday sacrifices were alleviated with the sacrifice of a life.

In line with all my thoughts, and the technical passport that will shortly exact repairs to the outside of the block and give jobs to many people in all the continuous cycles of redistribution of time, money, emotion, and occupation, here is a poem out of a brighter palette from the innovated time when I could afford a trip to the seaside to write a couple of poems and see the sea:

A SEA GULL
The sea is showing its blue
above the satin black
The sky is faded,
but is true
The sun's
inside my back
And people walk
along the beach
Free dogs are having fun
A sea gull left
the half-way bridge
and flew into the sun
V.P.T.
V.P.Toucheva 1.06.2009 Sofia, Bulgaria, EU